Hello,
I know it's been awhile, sorry about that. I hope you are well. That 2020 hasn't been too cruel to you, and that you have been able to maintain some form of balance in your life and cycle.
There is so much I have been learning and that I want to write to you, but first, I should probably explain where I've been. Before I do, please understand that I know that this may seem trivial to you, there are far greater things going on in the world and I know that I do have it pretty good. That said, this is what has happened and kept me away.
This summer was the longest Winter my soul has endured for many years. So it seems counterintuitive that I should at last feel joy upon the arrival of my monthly flow, as North Dakota appears to have skipped fall entirely and jumped straight into a week of unforgiving snow.
If you've been following my blog for any amount of time, it may surprise you to learn that for the last few months I have had no interest in anything having to do with my menstrual cycle; then again, the complete lack of content probably gave me away a while ago.
"What happened?" you may ask. Why did I, the girl introduced at parties as "the person you should talk to about periods" lose my love of this fascinating subject?
Well, at last, I'm prepared to tell you.
Miscarriage.
I've drafted many posts in an attempt to explain my absence, the experience, or anything at all really for months now. I hope that at some point, maybe I can help someone else feel seen and understood through my story. But for now, simply put, we lost our 1st baby early in pregnancy and it was harder on me than I had anticipated.
After the miscarriage, the summer was a blur and I didn't really have much time to get back on my feet in a healthy way. Normally each cycle is a chance to hit the reset button and evaluate what I can do better this month, but for the last few months, each bleed has only been a reminder that I'm no longer pregnant.
Time has helped, but so did the timing of this cycle. COVID entered our home, and we are well now, but the mandatory quarantine was truly a strange kind of blessing. On the first day of quarantine, I prayed that God would send me my period which has been irregular lately, and He did almost eminently. I could bleed in peace, and we were blessed to meal prep, nap, and play with our puppy without interruptions from the outside world.
I didn't expect to see any changes in my body or mind right away. But to finally take a break allowed me the energy I needed to make good food. And with good food and rest, my brain seems to not feel nearly as overwhelmed by the simple task of just getting by, and I actually feel happy and willing to put in the effort necessary to get started.
I acknowledge that this isn't the end of the struggle. The line of physical and emotional health will be a bit of a tightrope for now. But here and now I feel hope, which seems like a good place to start.
With love,
Rebecca J. Larson
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