If you asked my Grandma how old she was she would respond sharply “I'm plenty nine!” A quip which cleverly diverted the listeners attention away from how old she was, to figuring out whether or not your ear had heard that quite right.
As I have grown, I've found that I prefer a different approach. That is to scream into the void, and often poor unsuspecting conversation partners, my age and the intrusive idea that I haven't accomplished enough with the time I've been given.
An original idea, I know. (Feel free to roll your eyes)
However, I have come to feel some comfort in knowing that one of the most common emotional stumbling blocks known to humanity seems to be the slipping sands of time.
Now, I could dissect my phobia of living an insignificant life. I could also rail against the age-old youth economy which I can only suspect to be a factor in my grandmother's attempt to conceal her age. Both I believe are worth unpacking. But many researchers, poets, and wise people have already done so at length. My journal and therapy are probably the best place for me to unpack these topics.
Today, I wish to share with you a tool which I have found to be the most helpful in soothing my fears surrounding aging and irrelevance.
I uncovered this tool as Monica (contributor and friend of the blog) and I were developing the 7-77 Gift Guide. This was an all consuming project which required me to spend a great deal of time mentally embodying each age group and searching for the positives in their stage of life. As well as carefully considering material items which will best serve and support these women. I expected that this project would have value as far as being a service to The Way of Woman community, but I didn't expect the effect that it would have on me.
This project has sparked a practice that has blessed me incredibly, and I intend to integrate it into my general mental health tool kit as time goes on.
Being forced to thoughtfully sit with, and see the unique positives, as well as challenges in each stage of life has filled me with an unfamiliar appreciation for my current life stage. This feeling is coupled with an unexpected, almost impatient excitement for the experience of the times to come.
Once I had completed each portion of life and had the satisfaction of looking at the work as a whole, I was amazed by the satisfying structure which somehow flowed through as it led from one stage into the other.
Yes, I am aware that each woman and her journey through life is unimaginably unique. Filled with twists and turns which can not be predicted, and should not be trivialized by being placed into a simple category. There is still something transforming about honestly looking at the years before, and the years to come while making peace with the rights of passage which mark a long and healthy life.
Step 1
Choose a theme that is relevant to you. In our case, the theme chose us. I was trying to plan ahead for Christmas this year and needed to come up with gifts for the woman in my life. The theme you choose could be anything. Workout regimen, travel destinations, academic career, even developing a meal plan are all perfectly suitable for this activity. Pick a relevant issue in your life that can make this a fun (possibly useful) thought experiment that you can connect to easily, and enjoy exploring.
Step 2
Decide the way that you are going to divide up the stages of a woman's life. I have an affinity for the numbers 7 and 10 (and complicating things) so we divided the years of a woman into 10 sections, each 7 years long. This allowed us to get extremely specific in our description of her life. Feel free to make your categories whatever length you choose.
Don't forget to look back at the years you've already lived. They may feel irrelevant in an exercise where the future is the focus, but it will have a grounding effect and help you appreciate how far you've come.
Step 3
In your own words write a brief hopeful summary of the major milestones, and events in a woman's life at each stage. You can paint this woman with broad strokes as we have in the Gift Guide so that each description can cover a majority of people, or you can make these summaries as detailed and individualistic as possible.
Try to be intentional in highlighting the positives in each phase of life. Far too often we focus on the negative aspects of aging and what is being lost, rather than the things that we gain. It is good to be realistic but there are good things in each stage of life which must be brought to mind for us to make peace with the aging process.
Step 4
Add color to your image of what it means to a woman in any given age and challenge your unconscious beliefs through learning about each stage. Because we were making a gift guide, we did this by learning about the lifestyle changes, important events, dietary requirements, and more of each stage. That translated to tangible gifts which would support the woman we described in her everyday life.
Step 5
Give your woman a face. Find at least one realistic picture of a woman in each stage of life. Choose pictures of happy women that represent your general theme. You want to look forward to entering the same stage as this woman but be careful not to choose one that looks like a 20-year-old pretending to be a 35-year-old. Allow your woman to have wrinkles, and other signs of aging. These are awards of living and they should be respected as such!
Step 6
Take a step back and let the project rest. Sleep on it for a few days. Observe the women around you. Notice the way the world is set up to accommodate, or ignore the needs of women in these stages of life. Notice the way that the media portrays these women and what ages are underrepresented.
You won't have to think too hard on this one. Once you've done the first 5 steps, the way you look at the world will change. You may even come up with some unexpected solutions to problems you didn't even notice before.
Step 7
Revise and finish. Once you've had a break from this practice for a few days, go back to it and make your finishing touches. You will probably notice things that need to be added, taken out, or tweaked, but try to recognize when it is complete. Keep this project on hand and go back to admire the rich tapestry of life which you get to live. Allow the things that you learned to influence the decisions that you make today.
There are 7 (See what I did there? 😉) steps to making peace with growing older.
The beauty of this activity is that you can do it as many times as you need with as many different themes. I personally plan to make more of these descriptions as I uncover other areas where the unknowns of growing older make me uneasy.
Was this helpful for you? Let us know how you are going to use this practice in your own life rebecca@thewayofwoman.com Or Message on IG @the_way_of_woman
Check out the 7-77 Gift Guide if you haven't already!
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